Utah-Dominican Republic 2005 (3)

I'm in a Speilberg Flick... No... it´s actuall more like a made for TV USA Network movie that you only see at 2 in the morning that you really wish you weren´t watching but you can´t pull away and there´s nothing else to see anyway (which isn´t the case anymore but was when I was 10)...
Ok - it´s not that bad, but for those that really know me, you´ll understand.

As you may have heard, Tropical Storm Denny is passing over the Dom. Republic right now. And in it´s path it is causing a bit of a stir that has become my worst nightmare... Yes, my girlfriends - they are coming out of the woodworks, big as rats- or at least that´s how I see them... So let me set the stage...

There I was, 1:30 am on a Tuesday night, not able to sleep, watching the credits roll to Meet Joe Black. I had just spent hours trying to figure out why Brad Pitt thought that playing the part of DEATH meant acting like a human possessed by an alien... and why Claire Forlani thinks it's sexy to make yourself look sleepy all the time with those half shut eyes and pouty lips... and then of course, I smiled to myself as the song Somewhere over the Rainbow/What a wonderful World mix played - reminding me of Sarah's wedding and good times just had... When - all of a goddam sudden there the fucker goes - crawling out from UNDER THE MOTHERFUCKING CHAIR I HAD JUST BEEN SITTING ON FOR HOURS. Oh, girls, the goosebumps come just to think of it.

So I jumped up and hugged myself tightly as he stood still, thinking he was invisible... I strategized. Lucky for me I packed 6 pairs of flip flops and they were scattered all around me. My initial goal - keep him THE FUCK out of my bedroom! So there he goes, heading right for it - pink flip flop goes up at an angle and flops in front of him redirecting him to the kitchen area... There he stands, thinking, shaking his antennas as me AS IF THAT WOULD WORK... So I grab the brown flip flop and use the wall in front of him as a backboard, it was like the last attempt at a tiebreaker with 2 seconds to go, slow motion and it lands - right in front of him, NOT ON HIM. And he runs under the fridge.... I just bought time. I make an advance, jumping from chair to chair until I reach the kitchen table, where sits my book READING LOLITA IN TEHRAN - Come on ladies - be with me on this one! I hear him moving - maybe he's leaving out the window... then a crash (in his world anyway - but a flitter in mine) and he comes running out... and then stops, stairs, wiggles... TAKE THIS BITCH... the book grazes him, he's injured, one leg doesn't work and he drags himself INTO THE BEDROOM!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! But he stops to take refuge under the door, which is open, so I have him on both sides... If I get past him and into the room...

God, girls, you know what this was doing to me, right. All alone, fighting my number one fear in the world - The COCKROACH.

So I muster all I have, grab my heaviest black flip flops and make a run for it, right past him and he scuttles farther under the door, but stays. I arm myself - one in each hand and get ready... on three.... 1 -2-3... and I move the door, he runs toward the kitchen, I scream, raise the flip and drop the flop right on his ugly-ass back... Then I jump back onto the bed and squeal as he flips onto his back... lies still for a moment then moves his front legs... It's not over... I have to drop it once more... The book, Norah Jones this time, cause I have less respect for this book - a trashy romance novel can take on a bug... Wham - Bye Bye Mr.... kind of! He's still there - right now - 12 hours or more later and I can't move him... I can't lift the book but it's right in front of my fridge and his antenna sticks out just enough for me to imagine it's still moving.

I went to bed a freak last night... feeling roaches all over me, seeing them - big and in my face, like Kafka's Metamorphasis character... only these weren't harmless business men turned roaches, but rather the avengers of my victim. God ladies - this is why I will never ever again be able to live in the tropics... and it makes me question my ability to even travel thru Latin America for extended periods. It was so great until yesterday! Then all of a sudden, a mouse crossed my path yesterday afternoon, then the battle of the bug last night and then this morning I went upstairs in the hotel to ask another American (6'7" sexy black basketball player built like Carl Malone) if he would come move the carcass... and on my way, I was turned back by a moth the size of my right arm on a stair... Oh - Yes, this is my worst nightmare come true....

Otherwise.. life is good! More to come - gotta head out with the school folks on a field trip to the mountains where I'll probably be eaten by an anaconda.